I got to get my body back

Today I want to speak about my demon. I have gained 50 pounds in a year. Yes the man that I have loved more than anything die and we lose a baby but something got me. Ms. Oprah calls it an emotionally eater and she right. You eat more and more to feel the emptiness and the lonely. The sadness is putting into cupcakes, chips and for a few minutes it doesn’t hurt anymore. You are free and happy and all is right with the world. I’m an emotionally eater. I am not happy and trying to find my way to happy, in all honest, I can’t remember the last time I was there. My books are not moving the way I need them and parts of me think I should stop trying and get a job and learn how to be happy. My problem is I know, I know I was born to write and be somewhere else in the world and my destiny is big. I have never been happy in ordinary. Each time I try to live in that spaces I can’t and my destiny pull me out. I don’t know anyone who has tap into greatest and I am the forth runner in my family. So I keep trying and trying and something is going to happen soon. I need to lose weight badly; my goal is 40 pounds and 40 inches of my waist (I think the size in inches is right). The fact that I can’t lose weight is my daily demon. I’m not feeling beautiful any more these days. And I don’t know what to do to get there. I’m going fight this demon. Okay this little party I’m having is over. I’m not a loser and I’m strong very strong. I’m going keep going fight through the bad day. Take it one step at a time. Stop beat up on me and starts loving myself more in this space I am in now. This spaces doesn’t mean you give up on your weight lose goal it mean stop focus on everything that wrong in that spaces and love you. Love yourself hard and fair and don’t let what other think you should be. I think that the problem and I can work on this with my hold self. I’m going keep working on me and God will grants me some strength to find my way.