I got to get my body back

Today I want to speak about my demon. I have gained 50 pounds in a year. Yes the man that I have loved more than anything die and we lose a baby but something got me. Ms. Oprah calls it an emotionally eater and she right. You eat more and more to feel the emptiness and the lonely. The sadness is putting into cupcakes, chips and for a few minutes it doesn’t hurt anymore. You are free and happy and all is right with the world. I’m an emotionally eater. I am not happy and trying to find my way to happy, in all honest, I can’t remember the last time I was there. My books are not moving the way I need them and parts of me think I should stop trying and get a job and learn how to be happy. My problem is I know, I know I was born to write and be somewhere else in the world and my destiny is big. I have never been happy in ordinary. Each time I try to live in that spaces I can’t and my destiny pull me out. I don’t know anyone who has tap into greatest and I am the forth runner in my family. So I keep trying and trying and something is going to happen soon. I need to lose weight badly; my goal is 40 pounds and 40 inches of my waist (I think the size in inches is right). The fact that I can’t lose weight is my daily demon. I’m not feeling beautiful any more these days. And I don’t know what to do to get there. I’m going fight this demon. Okay this little party I’m having is over. I’m not a loser and I’m strong very strong. I’m going keep going fight through the bad day. Take it one step at a time. Stop beat up on me and starts loving myself more in this space I am in now. This spaces doesn’t mean you give up on your weight lose goal it mean stop focus on everything that wrong in that spaces and love you. Love yourself hard and fair and don’t let what other think you should be. I think that the problem and I can work on this with my hold self. I’m going keep working on me and God will grants me some strength to find my way.

Another Day

I am a believer. I’m someone who knows hard work, determine, and faith can move hills out of your way. Why sometime you still believe that there is a must stop and pay attend moment for you. In all things we must let out light shine. You have to be happy with your life. You have to be happy with your life. You must be happy with your life. You can be happy with your life. I’m still working and waiting for those things to happen to me, for me. I am making steps to get things together. In quiet night when the earth is most peaceful I’m looking for this great thing to happen. I’m searching for this to happen. Why some of us get things together young, other pass two lifetime to greatness. Which are you? Which am I? I guess I’m still learned who I really am. Are you just working to work or are you happy with your life now. I’m not talking about the kids, and being marry (why those things should make anyone happy) are you happy in your single spaces. Sometimes I wish I was someone else. Someone who had money, someone who look different, someone who was just different. I know I was born to be a writer. I wish I made some different decision when I was young and time seem like it would never catch me. But it did, and it has. I want things to be free. I need to be free. Life is good and ever when it happens and you’re not the one making the decision it’s still good. Death breaks us in pieces and causes us to stand in silences. Why no one like death it is necessary for the circle of life. Why God is perfect in his words the journey to them is difficult. Being ready is my perfect will. Working hard and trying to get published will happen. I can’t will my dreams to come true I just need to work hard and know one day an opportunity will happen and my desires will be grant for it will be my perfect will, well his perfect will for me. I still waiting and know something good is going to happen to me, soon it really, really going to happen. And I will be ready. Now breathe V breathe.

Something Wonderful is about to happen

I can breathe easy now, well today I can. I am free if I choice to be. What a beautiful thing to have a choice. Nothing amazing can happen if you don't go after it. Nothing amazing will happen if you don’t go after it. These will be the words I remember every day so I can know something wonderful is about to happen. I promise not to focus on the things I feel have me so broken. The things I feel everyday and just don’t know how to get away from. I tell myself something is going happen today. I tell myself someone will see my book series or journal series and want them in their stores. I tell myself this will happen. Yes I published the books back in 2004 and have received about 20 rejecting letters but I know is it only takes one yes, just one. One yes and the door of opportunity will be open wide for me and everything for me. So I’m waiting but not just sitting still wait I’m working, working hard look for opportunity. I am working on my website look for other vendors who may grant me another avenue for my destiny. I know its coming and why days seem long because of the waiting. It too knows it just part of the process. I know the talent and the skills I have are all part of something bigger. Why sometime I look at people from a distant that look like they are living in their space. I for a moment wonder why them or are they better than me for just a moment. Then my brain returns to its true self and know my God doesn’t have a favor, we are all God precious children. Rather we know it or not and what’s for me is just for me and my time will come and it very soon. I know this will happen, I know this will happen, I know this will happen. So I’m just sitting here working, praying because something wonderful is about it happen.