Here the Season

December is the month of regrets for me more times than I wish it was. It’s the last month of a 12 month run of a year. It the month I force myself to stand still and see the seed I have planted in good and bad soil. I start the year off with a must do list and add faithless each month and take away. Some things are removed because I have master that task other because I can find a way to do them, and other stay on the list till they happen. I stand tall said what I will do and what I will not do. I pray and cry about my dreams why watching some come full circle why others just pass down to another year. Each time feel like another year has passed and I haven’t done anything I should have done or should have been. I’m a student of life and I have yet to discover why things work out for some versus others. Yes I know hard work because I have a PHD in hard work but it takes a lot more than hard work. I’m on a journey to find it because I know I have what it takes. I’m alive but yet to live. Why ordinary is okay for the world it’s not a space I can live in. I was made for something extraordinary and 2011 I will make it happen by any means necessary. This is my season and I will walk into it with my eyes open. So I want my New Year to show how hard I’m working to live my dreams because I’m giving it everything I got. I want my dream to happen because I’m giving it everything I got to make my dreams come true. So I’m giving it everything I got. Everything I got.
Happy Holiday and Make 2011 be your year for your greatness be happy and be bless beyond

I got to get my body back

Today I want to speak about my demon. I have gained 50 pounds in a year. Yes the man that I have loved more than anything die and we lose a baby but something got me. Ms. Oprah calls it an emotionally eater and she right. You eat more and more to feel the emptiness and the lonely. The sadness is putting into cupcakes, chips and for a few minutes it doesn’t hurt anymore. You are free and happy and all is right with the world. I’m an emotionally eater. I am not happy and trying to find my way to happy, in all honest, I can’t remember the last time I was there. My books are not moving the way I need them and parts of me think I should stop trying and get a job and learn how to be happy. My problem is I know, I know I was born to write and be somewhere else in the world and my destiny is big. I have never been happy in ordinary. Each time I try to live in that spaces I can’t and my destiny pull me out. I don’t know anyone who has tap into greatest and I am the forth runner in my family. So I keep trying and trying and something is going to happen soon. I need to lose weight badly; my goal is 40 pounds and 40 inches of my waist (I think the size in inches is right). The fact that I can’t lose weight is my daily demon. I’m not feeling beautiful any more these days. And I don’t know what to do to get there. I’m going fight this demon. Okay this little party I’m having is over. I’m not a loser and I’m strong very strong. I’m going keep going fight through the bad day. Take it one step at a time. Stop beat up on me and starts loving myself more in this space I am in now. This spaces doesn’t mean you give up on your weight lose goal it mean stop focus on everything that wrong in that spaces and love you. Love yourself hard and fair and don’t let what other think you should be. I think that the problem and I can work on this with my hold self. I’m going keep working on me and God will grants me some strength to find my way.

Another Day

I am a believer. I’m someone who knows hard work, determine, and faith can move hills out of your way. Why sometime you still believe that there is a must stop and pay attend moment for you. In all things we must let out light shine. You have to be happy with your life. You have to be happy with your life. You must be happy with your life. You can be happy with your life. I’m still working and waiting for those things to happen to me, for me. I am making steps to get things together. In quiet night when the earth is most peaceful I’m looking for this great thing to happen. I’m searching for this to happen. Why some of us get things together young, other pass two lifetime to greatness. Which are you? Which am I? I guess I’m still learned who I really am. Are you just working to work or are you happy with your life now. I’m not talking about the kids, and being marry (why those things should make anyone happy) are you happy in your single spaces. Sometimes I wish I was someone else. Someone who had money, someone who look different, someone who was just different. I know I was born to be a writer. I wish I made some different decision when I was young and time seem like it would never catch me. But it did, and it has. I want things to be free. I need to be free. Life is good and ever when it happens and you’re not the one making the decision it’s still good. Death breaks us in pieces and causes us to stand in silences. Why no one like death it is necessary for the circle of life. Why God is perfect in his words the journey to them is difficult. Being ready is my perfect will. Working hard and trying to get published will happen. I can’t will my dreams to come true I just need to work hard and know one day an opportunity will happen and my desires will be grant for it will be my perfect will, well his perfect will for me. I still waiting and know something good is going to happen to me, soon it really, really going to happen. And I will be ready. Now breathe V breathe.

Something Wonderful is about to happen

I can breathe easy now, well today I can. I am free if I choice to be. What a beautiful thing to have a choice. Nothing amazing can happen if you don't go after it. Nothing amazing will happen if you don’t go after it. These will be the words I remember every day so I can know something wonderful is about to happen. I promise not to focus on the things I feel have me so broken. The things I feel everyday and just don’t know how to get away from. I tell myself something is going happen today. I tell myself someone will see my book series or journal series and want them in their stores. I tell myself this will happen. Yes I published the books back in 2004 and have received about 20 rejecting letters but I know is it only takes one yes, just one. One yes and the door of opportunity will be open wide for me and everything for me. So I’m waiting but not just sitting still wait I’m working, working hard look for opportunity. I am working on my website look for other vendors who may grant me another avenue for my destiny. I know its coming and why days seem long because of the waiting. It too knows it just part of the process. I know the talent and the skills I have are all part of something bigger. Why sometime I look at people from a distant that look like they are living in their space. I for a moment wonder why them or are they better than me for just a moment. Then my brain returns to its true self and know my God doesn’t have a favor, we are all God precious children. Rather we know it or not and what’s for me is just for me and my time will come and it very soon. I know this will happen, I know this will happen, I know this will happen. So I’m just sitting here working, praying because something wonderful is about it happen.

A Opportunity

I’m a person who believes change can come. The place or the form it come in is yet to be determined. I’m a positive person with it comes to ever one of life’s experiences. I know the rewards will soon come. With all this in mind does opportunity come for the ordinary person. I have been writing since I was 18 year of age. Words have saved me on more than one occasion. I’m in love with words and what they stand for. I been dating them since I was ten year of age, then at 22 we got married. I’d seen my words in print in a local newspaper and dreams of them in books. I been told all my whole life what is mean to be will be. I believe that but I also believe you need to help the process reach you. Opportunity is God way of connect you with the person God has designed for that season in your life. Everything is for a season no matter how you want to rush them. I’m learned everything has it places and people you love today can sometime destroy you today. I have holes in me now, the two people I love the most passed away almost a year ago and now I’m trying to mend those pieces. Life has taught me that you can survive the holes. Sometimes for healing purposes you have to look the holes straight in the eyes and process them. That’s what I did, that’s what I’m doing. Change is coming. I feel it inside of me and I taste it in the choices I’m making daily.

Just Breathe

Just Breathe.
I tell myself this when I’m nerve before a crowd of people, or when I’m in a very small room, just breath. Take a breath look at the situation with both eyes open; take it in, digest it, and process it. There are lessons in the fears. Lately, I have been wonder why do we as women don’t support each other. I’m learned it doesn’t matter what color we are, age, we just don’t support each other as women. It like something was embedded in our spirit to keep it all for ourselves, or just for the ones who carried the same “stuff” we got (so we think). On my journey toward getting my book series publishing, and started my company I have been looking for a mentor, I want a successful, powerful, strong woman. Someone who started out and won the race. Someone who can teach me my words and dreams are so much more than just that. I can’t find one for the life of me. It’ all about who you know, and where you come from but we as a people co-sign that book of life. The only person I know is I, my God, and where I’m from, everywhere. Pieces of my dreams come from all part of the world. I need a female mentor telling me that this thinking can really happen for someone like me. Because today, last night, and maybe tomorrow I don’t feel like these is going to happen. Every day I wake up trying to do everything I can to make this happen faith without works is dead. But what do I do? At this point no more contests to apply for, you- tube video, and blog comments. I’m tired of talking about my dreams. I’m tired of dream about them each night they are getting bigger, better now; then I wake up and nothing. People who I know who really Love me make me feel like this is as much going to happen for someone like me. Just writing them, but I know this books are powerful. I ‘m nothing special, in the eyes of some I’m not a singer, ball player, or model so my chance of someone discover me is not going to happen. It sad when someone like me feel the only way something good can happen to me is by being a singer, ball player, or model. I believe in my books, and my gift of words but it feel sometime like a dream. I’m scary, and sad that this is not going to happen. I am working so, so hard to put them on the market, book store, ad and big billboard. All I need is one yes, just that one yes. I know it coming; it’s on it way at this very moment. I’m all over the places today but my words never change be free, and keep on keeping on. A change is coming……